New sketch ideas

Inappropiate Stephen: Internet Chatrooms
Starring: Jo and other female (Leo, Kirsty?)

G1 sits at computer talking to someone online (SexiSteve, SteveMeister etc). Blah, blah, blah, "ur so fitt lets meet up" etc, sketch ends with the other chatter as Stephen.


Inappropriate Stephen: Full Moon
Starring: Jo (and others?)
Jo wakes up, moustache half on, hair wet, eyebrows smudged
"Oh no, not again..." She looks at moon and has flashbacks to various inappropriate instances.


Terry Says Hush: God
Starring: Kirsty, other
Someone is in a church, praying.
"God... Why did she have to die, God? Why?"
Terry hushes them and leaves.


Robbing Campers
Starring: people to be the couple, plus 3+ chavs
Couple camping worry about being robbed of their camping equipment in the middle of a forest.
"Well who's going to come all the way out here just to steal a tent and some pans?"
Meanwhile, chavs in town ponder over the nights events.
"What now?"
"I know, mate. Let's go and nick a tent off some campers!"
They trek over fields and hills and nick the tent while the couple are elsewhere.


Speed Dating
Starring: Kirsty, Jo, Josh, Leo
Girl on a speed date meets Terry Goodkind, Edgar Allen Poe and Stephen King.
"Right, that's IT!"
*touches breast hopefully*
"Get off me."


Terry Says Hush: Terry Speaks
Starring: Kirsty, Jo
Terry sits at his desk, reading his own novel (preferably same location as Confessor).
"Wait...This really doesn't make any sense!"
In comes Jo as Terry and hushes him.


Terry Says Hush: Chuck Norris
???


Inappropriate Stephen: Hide and Seek
???


Inappropriate Stephen: All Over the World
News reports, etc...???


Inappropriate Stephen: Petals
Starring: Dan, Kirsty/Leo, Jo
Dan lies on a bed, romantically, with a rose in his teeth. Barry White plays and petals fall from the top of the camera.
Woman: "You're so bloody cheesy! :@"
Zooms out to see Stephen throwing the petals pathetically.


Moulin Rouge/Love Medley (Inappropriate Stephen?)
Starring: Kirsty/Leo, Jo
Elephant Love Medley, either sung with Stephen instead of Christian or if Christian didn't exist and was instead sung by the Duke.


Terry Says Hush: Brocolli
Starring: Kirsty, Elizabeth, Olivia
"Mommy, what's for tea?"
"Brocolli"
Hush.


Terry Says Hush: Scriptwriting
Starring: Kirsty, Jo, other?
"Wait...this isn't even funny. It doesn't make sense"
Hush


Tekken style RENT
Starring: Dan, Josh
???


Moomin Spit Roast
Starring: everyone
???


Virginity Thief
Starring: Jo, 3 males
Three boys innocently minding their own business are jumped on by Jo and put in a sack. They leave the bush, strutting to funky music.


70's Cops
Starring: Jo, Kirsty, Josh, Dan, Leo
???


Wizard Battle
Starring: Josh, Dan
???


Nazi Lunch
Starring: 3 boys/2 boys + Viking?
"Yay! I've got jelly and peanut sandwiches!"
"I've got strawberry yoghurt!"
"What have you got, Timmy?"
Timmy unwraps a Swastika.
"Nazi"


Knitwear Advert
Starring: Josh, Dan
???


Jetfighter Sex
???


Edgar Allen-Poe: Picnic
Starring: Josh and family
Family having a picnic, Edgar drops upside-down from a nearby tree and screams.


Edgar Allen-Poe: Flaming
Starring: Josh
Something about a flaming penis?
???


Edgar Allen-Poe: Pub
Starring: Josh, Dan, female
Dan takes advantage of a woman and Edgar stops him.
???


Binary Valentines
Starring: lotds of kids
All the kids in a class get Valetines cards except for one. When he looks down again, there is one. He opens it. It reads 01001110101011000101
He turns around and it zooms in on the class computer.


Inappropriate Stephen: Father
Starring: Josh, Thomas?
Childhood of Stephen


Advert - Terry Says Hush
???


J.K. Rowling
???


Where's Waldo?
??? Something about someones cousin who keeps disappearing?

Where's Wally?
???

Improved Sweets and Kitchen

With this, I added some music and edited the clips in time to make it more fluent.



With this sketch, all I needed to do was fade out the music and fade in the audio. Simple as.

A Day at Long Road

Today

Today was a busy day indeed. Firstly, thanks to our mentor training and being spotted in the school prospectus, we've been hired to make two short films for the school. This in turn got us another job filming the fashion showcase.

Today we filmed part 1 of 'A Day in the Life at Long Road' and after school, the fashion showcase.

It's all go.

I felt professional, which I guess I am now.

An Idea

A girl sits at a table outside a cafe, a blank expression on her face. People around her move around like a blur.

Cut to a boy finding a key on the floor. He picks it up, confused, looking for the lock to which the key belongs. He wanders around and it cuts back to the girl. You can see this time a lock on her chest. It now becomes split screen as the girl sits at the table and the boy looks for the lock. He eventually comes upon her and unlocks the lock. They both smile.

Inappropriate Stephen: Sexy Boy

ARGH! NEW SKETCH! NEW SKETCH! NEW SKTECH!NEWSKETTCH"1NEWSKTENC!RDJLWEJFJ
KLSEKJCSMMVML!!!!1111ONEONEONE


And for this, we have Josh and Leo to thank.

Right.

Sexy Boy by Air.

Corridor at school, people standing around, casual, looking around nervously.
Singing starts, in comes Inappropriate Stephen, slow-mo. Licking lips, nodding, pointing and winking etc.
Verse 1, approaches girl who looks like she's feeling a mixture of horror and arousal. Licks her face or something disgusting, points at her and mouths the word 'you', winks, rubs body, touches breast.


THE BESTTHESBESTHTEBSTJEFKLEFKLSD!!!!222TWOTWOTWO

Terry Says Hush: Confessor

Terry Says Hush: Confessor was recently released, originally written to be the first Terry Says Hush sketch.

NO SNOW FOR YOU finished

And here it is.

NO SNOW FOR YOU

'NO SNOW FOR YOU' is a sketch about a little girl who wakes up to find that it is snowing. She rushes to the window, then to the door to put on her coat and scarf and shoes. She runs outside only to find a nasty man (preferably with a cape - but maybe dressed as a) a headteacher or b) a caretaker) with a massive bag of salt, scattering it onto the virgin snow and laughing manically. Bastard.

Frank's Video Blog

Created by Josh, this idea is intended to be a stop-frame claymation of a man sitting at his computer, gossiping and generally discussing everything ever.

Topics:
- MySpace
- His neighbour (who looks EXACTLY like him)
- A 'best lawn' competition (which his neighbour wins)
- His wife, who he believes to be cheating on him (probably with the neighbour)
- 2 Girls, 1 Cup ("What's this? '2 Girls, 1 Cup'...")

This is what the man looks like so far, as sculpted by The Jones.

Genital Awareness

A-ha! While we were sitting around talking, the topic of genital awareness arose. As it does. This evolved into a group discussion on what would happen if a baby got genital awareness during its own birth. And so this sketch was born.

A pregnant woman is lying in bed, huffing and panting while nurses stand around looking worriedly between her legs. There is a close up on her 'opening up' (shall we put it?) and a babies head popping out. The baby blinks once or twice and looks curiously around until it suddenly becomes genitally aware and starts screaming.
B: AAAARGHHHH I'VE GOT GENITAL AWARENESS!!! SHIT I'M IN A VAGINA!! I AM IN MY MOTHERS VAGINA!! MY HEAD IS IN MY MOTHERS VAGINA OH GOD PLEASE SOMEBODY GET ME OUT OF HERE THIS IS MORALLY WRONG!!!! ARRRRRRGHHHHHHH GENITALS ALL AROUND MY FACE!!! ARRRRRRRRRGHHHHH!!!!!
It flails its little arms around and eventually pops out.

Le End.

Terry Says Hush: Sweets

Yesterday we created our first 'Terry Says Hush' and here is the result. Some quotes in response:
"HAHAHAAHAAAAAAAHAHAHAAAAA" - Will
"Terry-fying." (bad pun.)
"There is more emotion in that beard than in both of the lead actors. The Oscar nomination was well deserved."

Anyway, have a look, a listen, and maybe even a little grope.

Musical Permission

After hearing from El Disgustingo that you need permission from the musical artists to use their music in a film, I have been sending this rather warm and innocent email to their record labels.

Hi there!

My name is Joanna Graham and me and my friend are planning a short film half made with stop-frame animation, half normally filmed, about a girl who has imaginary friends made from plasticine. Silly, I know, but we were wondering if we could include the song ____ as part of our soundtrack. Please note, we are 16-17 year old students, so it won't be professional or commercial, though it will include full credits!
Thanks for your time,

Joanna Graham

So far, I've sent it to Tilly and the Wall, The Magnetic Fields, Beirut and the Polyphonic Spree. I'm going to stop for tonight, as emailing people is tiiiiiiiring.

Props list - 'Jane'

Scene 1
plasticine
magical set

Scene 2
junk
balloons
party stuff
bowl
porridge
envelope
happy birthday card
flowers etc

Scene 3
CREDITS
t-shirt
Dan's poster
converse
Graffiti
Carved into a tree
Blackboard/whiteboard
School meal - chips
Stationary
Flute case - Ollie
CD's
plasticine
3-5 drawings of boy in front (winking etc)


Scene 4
wedding things
plasticine

Scene 5

Scene 6
post-it notes

Scene 7
plasticine
'transformation' tools

Scene 8
Indian war paint
post-it
things to trash
polos
car

Scene 9
dictaphone
candles

Casting - 'Jane'

Cast list
Jane - Joanna Graham
Josh - Kenneth Wetton?
Nice male - as of yet unchosen
Adrian Shine - Daniel Swanton?
Mother - as of yet unchosen
Father - as of yet unchosen
Brother(?) - as of yet unchosen
Girl 1 - as of yet unchosen
Girl 2 - as of yet unchosen
Wizard - as of yet unchosen
Jed - as of yet unchosen

Sketch 4b

In later sketches, others join in to create an amazing symphony based around disgusting noises she makes.

In another, the male joins in until F1 leaves.

Sketch 4 - ERRRR

2 females, 1 male
F1 introducing
F1: Heya Suze, this is Mike. Mike, this is Suze.
F2: Hi
M: Hey
[obvious camera angles to indicate attraction between F2 and M1]
F1: You know, Mike was just telling me about himself. Turns out you guys grew up in the same area.
F2: Really?
F1: Yeah, and his parents were gardeners too
F2: Oh?
M: Yeah... they're dead now...
F2: Oh my Gosh, mine too... You know, this reminds me of a song...
EEEEEEEEEEEEHRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGHHHHH [makes a series of various disgusting noises that in some places may pass as songs but in others would pass as the anal excretations of a whale]

Sketch 3 - Mr Suave

Sex man
Jo plays a suave young player and his various disgusting attempts at sexual moves/positions e.g. Spiderman, The Houdini, Torpedo, One-Legged Leprechaun

One-Legged Leprechaun
J comes out of bathroom with various objects, starting off normal (candle, chocolates, a rose, condoms etc) to more bizarre objects (a cucumber, a leprechaun, a false leg)
K: No.
[J ushers out 3 large Germans in lederhosen]
J: It's off, guys.
G: Vat? Dost she not vant our [insert name of disgusting German sausage here] (innuendo) [holds up sausage]

Sketch 2 - Terry Says Hush

J is reading a Terry Goodkind book. Voiceover reading aloud some of the book (which we will write ourselves) - on the back is a picture of Kirsty dressed as Terry Goodkind
J: What?! That makes no sense!!
in trots Kirsty dressed as Terry Goodkind
K: Hush...[covers mouth with finger, slipping and putting finger in mouth]

Short Film - General Notes

Girl leading incredibly dull life - victimized by her family and peers. Retreats to world in her imagination. After a succession of bad luck she undergoes a transformation forsaking her original fantasies for those which are much darker; ultimately leading to her downfall.



Scene 1
Rainbows in the Dark
Tilly and the Wall
Dream sequence - nice
She (stop frame?) is a princess with her subjects who are all stop-frame animals and people dressed in fancy dress.
There is a wizard!
- Wizard says: 'Thank you Princess Jane! For restoring our Kingdom to its former glory, you shall live happily ever after!'
-Everyone standing around awkwardly - cocktail party
EITHER everyone is stop-frame
OR only the animals are stop-frame and we get people to dress up etc

Scene 2
Silence
Wakes up in an empty room
The room has an incredibly neglected air - other peoples junk etc - small attempts at brightening it
Goes downstairs to find parents (and brother?) already having breakfast in a minimalistic(?) kitchen - staring at table
No one greets her
Cut to her sitting at table with parents
Panning shot past her face to a big party and round again to reality
Birds eye shot of empty bowl - mother splodges porridge into it
Smiley face in porridge
P.O.V. shot - Mother hands her an envelope
she opens it - inside is a scrap of paper with 'Happy Birthday' scrawled onto it
She leaves the house - cue music
Scenic World
Beirut
OR
*Section 12 (Hold Me Now)
Polyphonic Spree
Drab streets she walks through fill with her fantasy - singing, dancing, giving her flowers etc

When she enters the school there is silence. She walks into the classroom and sits down.


Scene 3
Title Sequence
Meaningless
The Magnetic Fields
She wanders through the school with credits appearing on everyday objects
T-shirt
Dan's poster
Converse
Graffiti
Carved into a tree
Blackboard/whiteboard
School meal - chips
Stationary
Flute case - Ollie
CD's

Starts with a pan-up from her desk
Overhead and behind shot of students
Everyone is grey but her
P.O.V. shot - teacher shouting and pointing at the board
'Directed by Kirsty Judge and Joanna Graham'
Girl - deadpan expression
P.O.V. of desk w/ claymation animals
She is doing a detailed drawing of the boy in front
The drawing smiles and winks at her

Scene 4
In class she reads out her story
Jed's Other Poem (Beautiful Ground)
Grandaddy
Deadpan reaction from class and teacher
As leaving house, guys asks her to hang back
She imagines him asking to marry her - dressed for a wedding
Oh My Love
John Lennon
He says something mean - girls giggle and say "Josh, that was mean!"
Shrink and crush effect - stop frame

Scene 5
Other bad things

Scene 6
Gets home to find many post-it notes on the door - does them
About to leave kitchen - finds another one

Scene 7
Dan comes out of poster and sings
Les Jours Tristes
Yann Tiersen
dances around, spins her - almost kiss?
half-way through mother walks in and snatches poster off wall
Music cuts out - Dan flickers out

Transformation scene
You and Me and Rainbows
The Tear Garden
As she changes, all her plasticene friends are blown back in a ripple effect and melt
She leaves the house - on the way down the stairs she sees a plasticene animal and squishes it

Scene 8
Party scene
Flux
Block Party
As she enters the party she flickers from full out Red Indian war outfit to normal
Party goes badly
Leaves, gets boy to drive her home
Finds Dan on floor, drunk (because she is) flickering
Flickering images/montage of plasticene friends and various depressing stuff
Poster back on wall with a post-it on it saying 'Sorry - We need to talk'
'We need to talk' - spoken by mother, Dan, teacher, plasticene friends etc
Trashes room/house

She sits on her pavement and he sits down beside her and offers her a polo - he waited



Scene 9
Back at party
Kids at party find her dictaphone and a way to play it out across the party
MEANWHILE
they go to a roof - boy parks
meanwhile she sets up - lighting candles etc
plasticene people are back
she considers jumping
With or Without You
Keane
cut to party
laughing - about to set it up
cut back
boy comes back - they talk
a) something goes wrong and she falls
b) they're messing around - she falls
cut to party in silence and slow motion
girl and boy talking over the top
he catches her arm
'Don't let go'

Gardener's Delight
Joanna Graham

Short Film Soundtrack

1. Rainbows in the Dark
Tilly and the Wall

2. Scenic World
Beirut
OR
*Section 12 (Hold Me Now)
Polyphonic Spree

3. *Meaningless
The Magnetic Fields
OR
Into Dust
Astar Command
OR
Lover I Don't Have to Love
Bright Eyes

4. Jed's Other Poem (Beautiful Ground)
Grandaddy

5. Oh My Love
John Lennon
WITH
??

6. Les Jours Tristes
Yann Tiersen

7. You and Me and Rainbows
The Tear Garden

8. Flux
Bloc Party

9. Gardener's Delight
Joanna Graham

10. After the Curtain?
Beirut


Others:
- Sleep the Clock Around
Belle and Sebastian
- Collapse the Light into Earth
Porcupine Tree
- My Head Sounds Like That
Peter Gabriel
- Glosoli
Sigur Ros
- Ladies and Gentlemen We Are Floating in Space
Spiritualized
- Pillars of Salt
Murder By Death
- Toby, Take a Bow
- Hey Eleanor
Casiotone for the Painfully Alone
- Comets
Piano Magic
- Submarine
Plamo
- Music500
Mark Graham
- Genius
The Murmurs
- Terminal Task
- Running to Oz
Joanna Graham

Animals

I thought it would be pretty cool to film Kirsty's many animals looking around while we say some serious political stuff over the top in the style of those really old sci-fi films.
Caris, her border collie will have had a love affair with Maisy (a cat who will have a googley eye on her forehead). Milo (another cat) will play the unreliable Emperor of some place (yes, vague - I know) and their rabbit will only speak in unintelligable screams which will then be captioned.

More later...

Sketch 1 - Leo's Lunch

Ok. A brand new idea. After deciding we have way too many short comedy sketch ideas we finally decided to just compile them all into one show-type-thing. So here goes:

Idea 1: based on a real life incident told to us by Leo in which a man explodes under the wheels of a car. She is then unable to finish her lunch. We intend to change it slightly as locations such as we initially intended to use are hard to come by (a cafeteria opening onto a road on which we can stage someone getting run over by a car). For this reason, we now hope to film it from her perspective on a bench eating from a lunch box.

[Two men have a fight, switches to pers. of M1 who watches as M2 runs away. M1 turns around as you hear the squeal of breaks - camera falls onto floor on side and blood runs out. It then cuts to see Leo look down at her meal.]
L: Now I can't eat my lunch!
[L's P.O.V. to see that her lunch is in fact a small bloody body. An ambulence enters and carries off the body.]

We hope to film her lunch in stop-frame claymation.

Ok. Missile by IAMX

An idea by Jefrey (or Kirsty, as most people know her by).

Basically a story of two couples, focusing on the male in one and the female in the other. Couple 1 features a male who is indifferent towards his girlfriend. She is chatty and energetic and clearly irritates him. She is a complete flirt. In this relationship we will be focusing on the male.
Couple 2 focuses on the female who is dating a very large and overpowering male who (KIND OF) abuses her (cheesy, we know).

Examples
Both couples are in the same cinema but sitting apart. F2 is chatting to M1 while he sits looking forwards indifferently. Meanwhile, M2 is holding the hand of F1 so tightly she bites her lip.

M2 shakes F1 and pushes her against a wall. The camera then zooms out to show that she is in fact lying on the floor. She says:
'Think you're giving but you're taking my life away'

M1 turns to F2 and says the same lines. She walks away and he stands still, while everyone around him speeds up. 

Lyrics
So you came like a missile
Falling on my head with the black sky
Think you're giving but you're taking my life away

Then you came with your breeze blocks
Smashing up my face like a bus stop
Think you're giving but you're taking my life away

Like the drunk you convinced was sober
You keep me falling over
- In the daylight
Think you're giving but you're taking my life away

With the best of intentions
You tried to give an ocean directions
Think you're giving but you're taking my life away

So you came like a missile
Leaving me the whole world in exile
Think you're giving but you're taking my life away

Like the drunk you convinced was sober
You keep me falling over
- In the daylight
Think you're giving but you're taking my life away
Think you're giving but you're taking my life away

Here I am again...

As you (me - as I am the only one who will ever read this) know, I hate the whole "blogging" idea and deem it unworthy of my valuable time (which I could be spending completing Majora's Mask) and I tend to avoid it at all costs unless it is absolutely unavoidable (e.g. media). This is for the primary reason that in my prejudice I assume all "bloggers" are pretentious media students with far too much time on their hands, who feel the innate need to inflict their days accomplishments on the world. For example, 'today me and my friends went out and filmed our day in which we do really boring activities full of toilet based in-jokes and sexual innuendos', then they edit it to make the viewer feel like they suffer from a severe case of a) epilepsy or b) narcolepsy.

Now aside from that little bitching session (completely unintended, as it happens), the true nature of this blog, I shall reveal. After compiling hundreds upon hundreds of impossibly high budget requiring short films, I have decided to write them up on this thing rather than having to continually buy new notepads.